What am I thinking?

I can't think of anything. Or, I'm thinking too fast that I can't distinguish all the ideas running inside my head. Just how a number of cars super speed through highways making it appear nothing's there. My head is aching. Music isn't helping in organizing my thoughts. It even makes harder to type these words out of the hundreds of thousands of letters pushing and colliding.  Short breaths. My heart beat speed is declining.
What was I thinking that lead to this?
First, that movie Bakit hindi ka crush ng crush mo?. During a movie, a romantic movie to be specific, I usually think of a certain person, loved one, admired one, or a simple crush but there was none. When the movie ended, I just realized even more that something is wrong with me. A part of my mind is rejecting the concept of love. I seemingly don't want to love, don't want love. Love has sadly been associated to pain, mine or others, hatred, that bitter aftertaste, and bad shitty endings.
When I was a kid, growing up from a messed up house, made me wish for a one true love, fairy tale-ish. But things have happened. I've been hurt bad near emotional paralysis the moment I trusted a person. And when I tried to give a chance to another person to change my ill perspective, I've been blamed to even giving a chance without a promise of fruitful ending. I've been hurt and I have hurt. I don't see any good in that, any good in love. People leave. I might leave. They will hurt me. I will hurt them.
As much as my faith contests to this. If truly, and I know surely, that love is good because love is a gift. Then, does that make me the negative sign multiplied to the positive love that produces a negative product.
..Wait what?
Love is insignificant right now. Should be. My thesis. My special project. Nothing is progressing. What do I do? Do I learn ASP.Net? or maybe C#? or should I fix our documentation.. or should I aimlessly start coding since we have a kind-of template.
My mind starts hurting again. I feel like crying. Maybe this would ease the pain. Lord, please help me. But, If I cry, does that bring my old depressed self again. I don't want to be a lost cause. I want to do something. But which should I fix first? Should I start what is essential - my IT special project, or do I hit what is emotionally special - my love issues. But my issues with love itself is telling me to don't think about it. That it's not worthy spending a drop of energy. Should I watch an encouraging movie to ease this madness.
I should filter my thoughts..